What I am looking for...

It's not too late for me to wish for me to be happy,
And not too late to wish that you are happy as well
What I want is someone to trust and to love
Someone who will wipe my tears from laughing to hard
And from crying over a sappy film, want someone
Who will be able to stay there by my side when I
Fall down and need help getting back up
And who will be there in the dark of night holding me
Comforting me when the nightmares become too much
And I bolt up screaming in terror and my heart racing.
I wish for me to be happy with myself, to be able to trust
And to be true and real not a doll and a mask just going through the motions
That I feel are necessary to live out the day. I want to be able to
Be angry and to scream and rage and to feel actual guilt about it after wards.
Wish that I could finally let loose the emotions I keep hidden and locked deep within me.
And wish and dream that I can find that someone just 'right' for me
I see the happy faces and the turmoil being in 'love' puts my most beloved friends through
But once they get past the tears and the hurt and they are able to see that 'special one'
Once again and their faces light up with a smile so bright it is light in the darkness
Of a world so full of cruelties and casualties I smile and am happy they are able to find 'love.'
I wonder sometimes what 'love' is and I have come up with a few of my own conclusions
But one thing that I know and have found is true is that for the most one cannot be happy
With another or 'love' another if they are not happy with themselves or in 'love' with themselves either.
So I hunt and I fight for myself and fear for what may happen when the time finally comes
When the opportunity shows itself if I will be able to see it and take the horse by its reins so to speak and be able to find what I have been looking for.
but now someone
Come and show me how to be, how to be happy and to laugh and to cry and to love and to hate
For all the right reasons and none of the wrong ones, because I am so tired of the wrong
So exhausted seeing them harm so many people I care for so deeply and truly
I guess I have feelings on some level it's a matter of me being able to except myself
For who and what I am and if I can't do that soon,
Maybe it is because I am not meant to do it alone and that there will be someone there by my side
As I wade through the current of so many possibilities and improbabilities
Until that time I will just dream away my world and create my own reality
So that I may one day be able to finally 'see' myself as I am
And to find what I have been looking so long for.
Be that love
Or be that acceptance
Or be it both
I just want to be able to find it soon
And if it's possible and meant to be
Have someone special to share and to grow with and from the experiences and 'realities' I come to
When I so do choose to do so.
And I choose now
This very moment
I've find what I am looking for.