When I am..

Dearest love...
If u are asking me why.. Whats wrong with me..
What's going on?
What's happen?
This is the answer of all your questions


When I'm so quiet..
Millions of things are running in my mind
When I'm not arguing..
I'm thinking deeply
When I look at you with eyes full of questions
I wonder how long you will be around?
When i said i'm fine after a few seconds
Actually i'm not that fine
When i stares at you..
I wonder why are you laying?
When i said i want to lay on you chest..
I'm wishing for you to be mine forever
When I calls you everyday
I'm looking for you attention
When i send you an sms everyday
I want you to reply at least once...
When i say i love you
I mean it...
When i say I can't live without you
I have made up my mind that you are my future
when i say i miss you
No one in this world can miss you more than i do... 

I'm sorry

Dear huney, 

I'm sorry for 2day hun
I'm sorry if what i said makes you think 
that i don't love you
or i still love him
It's not like that
It's not like i've been thinking about him all the time
more than when i'm thinking about you
I just can't forgive
I can't forgive him, i can't forgive my self
All the questions keep spinning in my head
why, why, why,

I know that it will bring me nowhere
Just gonna waste my time more and more
i do have to learn to forgive my self 1st

I didn't mean to hurt you
I know why i keep thinking about it
It's all because i'm scared
I'm scared of loosing someone that i love
someone that i care of 
scared of loosing you 
I'm scared if the dreams that i've build gonna be broken again
This is why i'm scared of answering 
when they asked me about us
Once i open my mouth,
I'll tell the dreams that i have
All the plan that we made
but then there's a thing comes in my mind
What if all the things that i've said will never become true again?
It will hurt me, ill feel down again
lost all motivation...

I know that u've been saying that u will manytimes
and it doesnt mean that i didn't trust you
Everytime i heard those words
U make me smile
It's just all the fear will gone when u come here

Please 4give me cz i didn't mean anything 

Hate this

Why do I have to keep this hate inside me?
This feelings just make me keep saying bad words
The words that i don't have to say
Why there are still so many questions?
Why do i still want to know the answer?
i know that i'll regret to what i've said 
just bcz of the anger that i have

I'm trying to control it
But sometimes i can't
I want to stop this
and I HAVE TO!!! 

Hug me

When i feel like I'm all alone

Just hug me

When i feel full of anger

Just hug me

When i feel down

Just hug me

You don't have to do lot of things

just to make me feel happy

Hug me and whisper that everything's will be fine

Then i will feel better

Hugging means everything to me

Thats why I do want to see you just 

so i can feel the warmth of your hug

I will sleep on ur chest 

without thinking about anything else

Even i have to wait, I'll wait

Even sometimes this waiting hurts me

I'll stay..

Come to me bebe, and let me stay

The truth and normal

When you love someone 
you feel like you always want to get close to them
It's normal..
When you like someone 
your heart beating fast..
It's normal..
When you love someone 
you'll do anything just to make them happy
It's normal...
When you like someone
and you want to have a dream with them
It's normal...
When you're be with someone
and you seek for information just to know them more
Its normal...
When you told em what you feel
just so they can understand your feelings 
It's normal...


When you hate someone
You want curse em..
You want kill em..
You want scream at them..
You want them to say sorry sincerely..
It's normal..


That's what I asked to all my friend
and they keep saying..
You are normal...


Wont be normal
When you said that u love em
But then you hurt them
When you said you'll never cheat
but then you did it..
When you feel ok when you're happy
But other's feel hurt...
When you're trying to make them feel sad
So they will leave you soon, so you they wont see that it's your fault 
You made a dream but you spit on it..
You say a words but then u ate it again... 
That can't be normal..
That just means.. 
You never love them just like what you used to say..
You just want to make an excuse
You just don't want other's to see that you are guilty
You just care about ur reputation


And still
I'm learning how to forgive this situation

I shouldn't have

aaaaa...

Why i open it again T_T

Read everything that already happen makes me sad >.<

I remember again and again T_T

The words "Sorry for the pain"

How easy to say, 

And why people keep saying sorry after what they've done

Geez.. still i can't forget it all

Idk exactly when i can erase this all

Sorry.. sorry .. sorry...

What a nonsense >.<

Dear god, Let em feel what i feel

Who can understand my pain?

If i upload all the conversation in here they will know how it's so sudden

Do i have to keep this all, inside? all alone?

Hurt so bad again T_T like im going to... T_T

New lesson

Wahhh.. never feel so alive like 2 day..
I learned many things.. At work.. At home o.o
Meet new people who share her skill to us
Her positive thinking can be found on her face..
Smiling everyday, Idk but her face can make us feel happy..


On the way back home I kept thinking about the problem between the provider and my dad
i do so curious about what happen >.<
But then, I can explain to my dad about what they mean


Straight to the point of what can be learned from this problem are...
1. Not everyone understand about the billing statement, So when they asked you to explain it you need to be in the same thought with them.
2. How important the note is for people who works in Customer service..


Idk exactly when  my dad asked for an adjustment,
What i don't get is Y they didn't explain that they will deduct it in the next billing statement for the next month before my dad asked for an adjustment.


Cz u know what.. What's in the billing statement was like this
dec.. 17 Rp.4***
         21 Rp.4*** (they do billed it twice)
Jan..  18 Rp. 3*** (we upgrade to premium should be 7*** but They deduct the billing already bcz of the double pymt that my dad did)
Feb 17 Rp. 7*** (all back to normal)
march... 07 Adjustment Rp. 4****
             17 Rp. 1.1*** (what the.... Whats the meaning of this? is that means if they just realize actually they already deduct the Bill in Jan but they give the money back in march too or what o.O? So who's fault?)


The question is y did they give money to my dad in march  if they already  deduct it in jan o.O?


if it cz my dad already asked for an adjustment b4 the billing statement in Jan appear. Ok make sense. Then y didn't they pending the auto reduction for the next billing statement? They do have a note about it rite o.O? Other case that might happen is my dad asked for an adjustment after the cycle date In Jan. Then why they didn't explain if the bill in Jan is already deductible Bcz of the double payment in Dec rather than continuing the adjustment while they actually already did for the bill statement in january o.O.. Isn't that means that they didn't really read the note from all the costumer who called em o.O?


My dad insist, he wants them to admit if their service is so bad and my dad want them to fix the system.
Sigh..
I know how hard to get to the manager and fix the system of the company.. Who are we? o.O?
Well, I take a position as my dad "Yes i admit that their service is bad"
Then i take the position as the provider "Wow, This cust really care about us."


Phew..what a nice experience..

I'm scared

i am afraid of no one actually caring about me.
i fear that the people in my life will not always be
there like they say they will.
i want friends that i can count on and love for the  

rest of mine and there life.
i have been hurt and abondend by many
and fear that everyone will do the same.
I am affraid that when i relize that no one actually
cares about me
and i come to face that fact that i will finnaly end
my fear and leave them.
it hurts me when i cant trust people that i really
want to

but i just cant
because once i do they will leave and
i will be played and shown a fool again.
And sooner or later i know i will just end it all
i wont have to worry about being
affraid ever again.